I choose how I feel

For a long time now Bryan has been telling me that I have a choice in how I feel. I have to say that I honestly did not understand that concept. I thought that feelings were something you experienced and not something you really had a choice in. I definitely need to work on making a choice about how I'm feeling but I know I am capable of ending my anxiety and I will end it. I am tired of trying to control my surroundings on order to control the symptoms of my anxiety, I need to remember the only thing I really have any control over are my reactions and trying to control external forces only increases my anxiety so I need to remember that.

On the treadmill

Today I took a picture of the new view I look at when I'm running on the treadmill. In order to avoid the morning traffic Bryan and I leave the house at 5:45 and drive to a gym up in Bellevue. I have to drive up there every day so I'm doing my runs at the gym now instead of at home where I've been doing them for 5 years. The view is pretty cool. I took the picture right at the end of my run after I had gotten a really good endorphin rush at about 40 minutes. The rush let me kick the speed up and it felt really good,

My Shadow

So today was a very intense day of training at work. I spent most of the day with a really nice guy named Paul who reminded me of all the statistics I learned in college. Finally after about 4 hours of statistics and creating first articles I had to get my daily beach fix.

Today at the beach the little munchkin in the picture let his little ball roll down the steps almost into the water. His nanny didn't notice and he stood at the top of the steep steps for a minute looking like he wanted to go down and retrieve his ball. Before he could tumble down the stairs into the gravel on the beach I decided to go get his ball so he wasn't tempted to do it himself. At that point his nanny showed up and I handed him the ball and he proceeded to throw it back towards the water. I retrieved the ball again and handed it to the nanny this time and then went back to my spot on the steps to watch the ducks. A few minutes later I got up and started to walk back to work. As I was walking I heard giggling, so I turned around and the munchkin was following me. When I turned around he started pointing at the sky and saying "plane" and sure enough a plane was going overhead. It made me smile and I took a picture.

Baby Duck

I realized today that I should take advantage of the fact that I don't have a whole lot to do in my new job yet. Yesterday I ate lunch at my desk but there is a gorgeous waterfront park less than 200ft from my office. So today I went around the corner and got lunch and then went and sat on a park bench 15 feet from the shore of Lake Washington and watched the momma ducks and there babies. If you can't see it there is a little baby duck in the center of the picture. The mommas were getting fed bread by other people and the babies were just trying to keep up. It was adorable,

My new "view"

So today was my first day at my new job and it was awesome. It was a long day but it was a whole lot of fun and I can't wait to dig into the issues I'm going to deal with at this new job, it's going to be a real challenge. I can very happily report that I have an office again and I kind of have a "view". Between me and the window are 2 different offices but at least I can see daylight from my desk vs sitting in cubicle hell again. This job is going to be a real challenge but I think it's going to be a whole lot of fun. I've even started another blog to write about the things I learn.

New commute

Today I drove my new commute during rush hour (okay maybe a little after) for the first time. This is the view just as you drive into Bellevue from Factorial on I-405. The fact that I had enough time to take a picture with my cell phone tells you that the traffic was bad. But surprisingly it didn't take nearly as long as I expected. My plan is to leave my house by 6 am, drive to Bellevue to workout then drive to work in Kirkland after my workout. This should work out well because the worst of the traffic is between Renton and Bellevue so I can beat that traffic and then after my workout it should only take me 10-15 minutes to get to the office.

I'm really going to miss working out at the same Gym with Bryan and getting to do my runs at home. But after my conversation with my new Boss this morning I think I'm going to love this job and the freedom it sounds like I will have to solve problems. I can't wait!!!!

Lamp Shopping

Today was actually quite a busy day for vacation. Got up and went to the gym and had a good workout. Got home and took a shower and the played guitar hero for a little while. Then I went to a doctors appointment. After the doc appointment I went lamp shopping. I went to Seattle Lighting because I want to replace all the gold monstrosities the previous owner installed. Most of the things I liked we're generic things to be installed but this particular lamp struck me and pretty and I think that it might go well in our living room after its been painted. Bryan said he wasn't a huge fan but I think if he sees it in person hell come around.

Chaos

Today Jeff Heiss painting started painting the interior of my house. Right now my living room is condensed into a small pile in the middle of the room. This is going to be my life this week but that's okay. When its all done the house will have fresh paint and I won't have to look at the dirty walls any more. It's just amazing how dirty walls can get from a husband and dogs. I'll post more pictures as the week goes along.

Before the paint

So this is what our dinning room looks like before paint, well at least before the spots of paint on the wall. I have picked some very eclectic paint colors so we will see what happens once it all done. Its really interesting to have the living area so empty. We actually got rid of quite a lot if stuff yesterday. It's always cleansing to me to get rid of things you no longer use. I'm excited to get the house painted but now I have to figure out what to do with myself for the rest of the day because I'm not used to not having anywhere to be or to do. I really need to plan a vacation where I go somewhere for a week, maybe that would allow me to relax a little bit more.

Preparing for Paint

So starting tomorrow our house is going to be a war zone because the main living are is going to get painted. As a result we are having to move everything out of the way to give the painters room to work. I spent all day yesterday packing up all the little knick knacks and such and packing them into the guest room. As you can see from the picture Willow was trying to "help" as usual. By the time I was done yesterday you could barely take 2 steps into that room. This week is going to be very interesting.

Seattle Adventure

Well it's been a few days since I've blogged because we've been really busy. On Saturday we went to a friends loft in pioneer square in Seattle. Because the Seattle Sounders (soccer) were playing we decided to take the link light rail from Tukwilla up to the international district in order to avoid having to fight for parking. Bryan is very familiar with this area of town because he used to work down there and because he takes the train every day. There were a whole lot of people out because of the Sounders game and we came across a big crowd in pioneer square. This picture was taken on the water garden in pioneer square. I didn't even know it existed but Bryan insisted that I had to see it and I'm glad I did. I didn't know there were such neat waterfalls in the city.

Keiko

One of the houses I grew up in had a beautiful Japanese maple by the front door. My mom planted it when my family first moved into our house when I was 4 and that beautiful plant was still thriving (or maybe just trying to eat my mom's front door) when she sold the house last summer when I was 30 years old.

I knew that when I owned my own home I wanted to have a Japanese maple in the front yard, so a few months after my husband and I bought our house I went and bought my Japanese maple. When I brought my fancy new plant home I found out that my husband really likes to name things. He insisted I pick a name for my plant so I chose the name Keiko after the whale in the movie Free Willy.

Her first year on our yard seemed touch and go because we ended up needing to move her and the first year I didn't do a very good job remembering to water her during the summer. But I realized that giving her a name made her more real so I think of her like a person and that helps me remember to take care of her.

Since Keiko we have added several other "friends" to our yard. In the backyard we have a rhododendron named Mrs. Sally sassafras purple pants Montgomery the III (Bryan named her). And in the front yard we have 4 hedges that we are trying to grow in order to block the junk yard next door they are named Harry, Mary, Terry and Jerry (again Bryan did the naming). These plants aren't doing as well as Keiko but hopefully I can convince my mom to come over this summer and help me figure out why they aren't growing. Mom?

EyeLeo

So for the last couple of months I have been doing a lot if reading on how to get the most out of yourself when trying to get work done, one of the things I read is that it is essential to take breaks, that they will actually help you be more productive because distracting yourself for a few minutes and thinking about something else will help you brain be able to refocus. I actually find this a very difficult thing to do, it's just one of those things that I forget to do. So I found this app called EyeLeo that I installed on my laptop at work. Every 15 minutes a little cat pops upon my screen over everything and for 10 seconds tells me to roll my eyes, look out a window (if I had one) or shut my eyes really tight just to give my eyes a break from looking at my screen. Then once an hour my screen goes dark and the cat appears and I can't do anything on my machine for 5 minutes. Now there is an option to be able to delay or cancel the cat from appearing but I found that when I had that option enabled I would never actually use the 5 minutes for a break. So I put the program in strict mode which means once it goes dark I can't do anything on the machine for 5 minutes so I'm forced todo something else. Usually I will either meditate or get up and go talk to coworkers, but if I'm at home I've been known to play a song or 2 on guitar hero during my break.

NSEW

So I actually took 4 different pictures today. Each one looking out a different window at my work. The view out of the 7th and 8th floor of this office building are pretty cool but even though they are cool I don't think they will compare to the new view I'll have looking out at the water in Kirkland. The first picture is facing west out of the lunch room on the 8th floor.

The 2nd picture is facing north out if a different side of the lunch room on the 8th floor. The lunch room is actually a pretty cool place to eat lunch since it has a very cool view from several directions.

The third photo is actually the view I see most often and the one that can be the most beautiful on a clear day. This view is facing south east out my my teams scrum room where we meet every morning at 10am. On a clear day you get a gorgeous view of Mt. Rainier, but unfortunately today it was cloudy. If its sunny again before I leave I'll take another picture.

And finally the view facing south. I took this picture from an empty office and its actually a view I don't see very often so I don't have all that much to say about it.

Willow

Can you see the evil eyes I'm getting in this picture? Willow has been very angry at me for a few weeks since I no longer let him sleep with us. I figured out about a month ago that the habit willow and I have shared for 10 years of him sleeping on my face is now causing sleeping problems. I hadn't actually been getting REM sleep for a very long time. So for about 4 weeks now Willow has not been allowed in the bedroom at night and I've been sleeping much better. Unfortunately it means that willow is quite angry with me since apparently the only other place in the house that is comfy enough for him to sleep in is Bryan's office chair. Tonight he's getting some extra snuggles before bed so hopefully he'll stop giving me stink eye.

Change is coming

Yesterday was a very busy day with friends that ended very late so today was spent recovering and getting lots of chores done. I didn't get a chance to take a picture of anything today so I'm going to take a minute to write about my new job.

Two weeks from tomorrow I start a new job. My official title is going to be Senior Software Engineer but I will actually be more of a Jackie of all trades. Based on the conversations I've had with my new employer they are going to have me doing a little bit of everything and I'm incredibly excited at that prospect. I am the type of person who really enjoys any type of challenge put in front of them so the idea that I will get to do something different every day is incredibly appealing. I will have a much longer commute than I do now, but I couldn't get much better than my current commute of less than 10 minutes so I'm not going to complain about my new commute if it means that I get to do new things every day.

I am very excited about this new job and I'm very glad that I finally found a company that seems like they will appreciate the skills I have to offer more than my current company does,

Every morning

I wake up at 5:30 (sometimes 5) every weekday morning and around 7 on the weekends. Why do I do that? So I can do one of two things. I either walk/run on the treadmill or I got to this place to workout. Working out every day is very important to me. It really does make my day go better when I workout than when I don't. Working out gives a great endorphin rush and gets me though the morning. I also like working out because I get to log my points in fleetly and that makes me feel good to see strong workout numbers for the week. Starting in two weeks I'll probably have a very different schedule because of my new job but I'm still going to make time to workout because it helps me feel good,

My current commute

I find that most often I remember to take picture when I'm in my car or at home so the things I take picture of seem fairly mundane, but realistically these are the things that I see everyday so it is ver representative of my life.

I took this picture while waiting at the light on James right next to Kent station. Ive spent a lot of time in the last few years waiting on this stretch of road because there are train tracks a couple hundred feet ahead where the commuter train travels so I get stuck on the wrong side of it often. This will not be my commute for very much longer, soon my commute will be much longer. But having a longer commute isn't so bad if it means that I get to enjoy going to work every day.

Organization

A couple of weeks ago Bryan and I went to Ikea to look for organization solutions. I've been working really hard to keep the house picked up and do a little bit every day so it doesn't ever feel overwhelming. I've actually been getting up everyday and making the bed, which is a habit I've alway wished I had but never been able to make myself do. Doing a little bit of cleaning every day is helping me feel really positive because feeling like the house is clean makes me feel really positive and productive everyday. Of course my job has been making me feel productive and positive as well but this helps.

If you notice there is a Sashy alien in the middle of the right side.

My House

This is one of my favorite sites at the end of a long day. Coming home and seeing Bryan's car in the driveway usually always makes me happy. Seeing my house and knowing that soon I get to put on my jammies, maybe have a glass of wine, maybe get some foot rubs and snuggles. We bought this house 3.5 years ago but I would say in the last year we have most definitely made it into our home. Hopefully very soon we will get to take another step on that journey by painting the inside. I think people will probably be shocked by the color choices but they make me happy so Bryan says its totally worth it.

Where I work

This is the building where I work. I work on the 7th floor and I usually eat lunch on the 8th floor where I can look out the window. From the 7th floor you can see Mt. Rainier and all of the green river valley. I took this picture because as of today I will only be working in this building for the next two weeks. I got a new job and I'm very excited about it.

Artistic View

Today I went to Seattle for a surprise birthday party for one of my coworkers. It was a gorgeous day and I thought about taking a picture of the water but then I forgot. So on my way home I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the water and since I was stuck waiting at a light I took out my phone and got this fun picture. I took several pictures but this is the one I liked best.

Bed Bath & Beyond

Tonight after work Bryan and I went to dinner at Dukes chowder house and then went to Bed Bath & Beyond. Well actually I went to Bed Bath and Beyond while Bryan went next door to REI. I ended up getting the lint lizard in the picture and some new floor mats for the bathroom. But I saw this comforter set and I really liked it so I took a picture to show Bryan to find out if it's too girly for the bedroom. If it isn't then I might get it.

The rainy view

Almost every day I drive down this hill. Today Bryan was driving so I could take a picture but of course it was very rainy and icky out so you can't see any of the kent valley where I work. Down the hill on the left is Kent station where we often go to dinner or a movie. Straight across the valley is I5. This is the valley that was at very high risk of flooding last year. Maybe some other day I'll get a better picture when it's sunny.

My new favorite toy

This is the guitar from the Guitar Hero. I took a picture of it because this is my new favorite toy. Bryan bought a play station 3 a couple of months ago and I found that I liked the pattern matching part of his God of War game so I thought I might like guitar hero. Turns out I love it. When i work from home I stop working once an hour and play one song and I play it on the weekends and in the evenings when Bryan is working in the office. I haven't enjoyed a video game this much in a long time. I'm not that great at it but it's a lot of fun.

Where I eat lunch

My company actually has a very nice lunchroom. It is actually a very large corner office on the top floor of our building with ping pong and fooseball tables and a great view. Most day I'm the only one who eats lunch up here because everyone else prefers to eat at their desk while they working. Sometimes I will do that, in fact I used to do that all the time. In the last year or so something about sitting inside an ugly grey cube all day long and never seeing sunlight has gotten very depressing, so I make it a point to get away from my desk at least long enough to eat my lunch and go through my favorite RSS feeds. I have to go back to my desk soon so I'm going to stare out the window for a few minutes and hope for the sun to come back.

Sashy

This is one of my favorite views when lying on my couch. If someone is laying on the couch then Sasha MUST be there to snuggle. She curls up into her tight little ball on my feet and gives you the sad puppy eyes. Tomorrow I need to find something besides my animals to take pictures of.

The Backyard

Today was an unusually sunny so I thought I would take a picture of my backyard. The yard needs a lot of work, but I know that it will get there. We want to add a back deck and make it a lush oasis. I love that it is such a big yard for the dogs and it really feels like you're in a park which is so nice. You can't see any other houses from the yard so you feel like you're out in the country and not in the middle of a city,

I love my husband. He has been there for me during some of the worst moments of my life. There are times when he can be a royal pain in the ass. But those times are far less than then the times when he is my rock that I can't possibly live without. He is there to build me up when I'm feeling so low I feel as though I might drowned. Hoe is there to share the victories and cheer me on when I finally realize I'm so much more than I give myself credit for. At times I really want to put on the boxing gloves and take out all my aggression, but then he gives me foot rubs and makes me feel like the most beautiful women in the world and all my anger disappears. I don't know if I will ever be able to thank him enough for believing me me when I didn't have the courage to believe in myself.

I love you Honey, Now put away the damn laptop so we can snuggle!

My Kids

These are my two dogs KD (Kroger Dog) and Sasha. KD is a 5.5 year old lab/pit mix (mostly lab) and Sasha is a 3 year old lab/pit mix (mostly pit). I love pit bulls! They are the sweetest most affectionate wonderful dogs who get such a bad wrap. I wish everyone could see how sweet and wonderful they are. These two don't sleep too close to each other very often mostly because KD is a very independent spirit who keeps her distance from everyone. This morning Sasha was laying on the couch and KD crawled up and laid down pretty close to her so I covered them with a 2nd blanket and they just looked so cute and snugly that I just had to take a picture.

The view from my Desk

I spend all day every day inside a cube. For a week and half I had the luxury of sitting in an office with a window but now I'm back to my cube under the harsh fluorescent lights. Above my desk I have a collection of things that make me smile. In the picture you'll see a picture of me and my husband, a picture of my family. Birthday cards, part of my collection of paper cranes my husband has made for me, my Mister Potato Head star wars collection, my before and after motivational picture, my favorite picture of my cat and a LOL Cat Bobble head. All these things make me think good thoughts when I'm feeling low because I sit in a cube and have nothing to stare at except a grey cube wall.

Pink Boxing Gloves

My husband ordered me a pair of pink boxing gloves. If that isn't a sign of love I don't know what is. When he does something that he admits I have every right to be angry about he let's me put in his gloves and hit on him for a while to get my anger out. I would never hit anyone except that I honestly think that he enjoys it. As long as I don't hit him anywhere that really hurts, I'm usually good about *those* areas but I do tend to get him in the back of the head which apparently hurts. I've broken my nails before using his gloves so he ordered me a pair of women's gloves so I don't risk hurting myself. I think he also wants me to go through his boxing routine with him at the gym. I feel so incredibly loved.